Friday, July 6, 2007

Best. Advice. Ever.

An open letter to the cast of License to Wed from the lovely people at Best Week Ever.

Best Week Ever Blog:

So License To Wed came out this week, opened to dismal box office numbers, and will soon be consigned to its rightful place between Failure To Launch and You, Me And Dupree in the pantheon of movies that will only be seen at 2am on HBO2 by people who are too wasted to change the channel. While I certainly haven’t seen the film (and God willing, never will), I do have some friendly advice for its three leads - Mandy Moore, Robin Williams, and John Krasinski.

Mandy Moore - I don’t really know who you are, but you weren’t terrible in Entourage and you’re easy to look at. Knock it off with the wholesome rom-coms, get naked in some artsy Sundance flick, win your Best Supporting Oscar, and go be a movie star. You know this is your destined path, so quit wasting everyone’s time and show us your boobs already (in the name of art, of course).

John Krasinski - Alright, Kras (can I call you Kras?), here’s the deal - we all love you. Your character on The Office is hilarious, charming and has single-handedly redefined what the average white American woman finds attractive in a man (finally, they’re realizing that funny is far more important that traditional attractiveness - thank you for this). So anyway, because we love you, we’re willing to forget this disaster of a movie ever happened.

We understand that you took it early in your career, before you were sure about what kind of phenomenon The Office would come. You were just glad to be offered a movie role, and that’s fine. But take it from David Schwimmer, Matthew Perry and the guy who played Joey - we won’t be so forgiving in the future. You try to pull this “silly Robin Williams romantic comedy” crap again, you’ll be dead to us. Dwight Schrute is pretty funny, too, you know? And with Ryan the Intern taking over as boss, you ain’t the only game in town, pal. So bend over, take your swats from Will Ferrell’s paddle, and get initiated into the Frat Pack like a man. (Also, if you and Pam and are gonna do it, f*cking get it over with already, we’re getting sick of this Ross & Rachel bullsh*t.)

Robin Williams
- I know you won’t listen, but I’m obligated to say this anyway: for the love of God, Robin, please stop. Please. Your wacky mad-cap hijinx ceased to be funny somewhere between the time you stopped doing coke and we realized that’s just the way you are and Mrs. Doubtfire, and they ceased being even remotely tolerable around Patch Adams. The few times you’ve allowed yourself to dispense with the zaniness (Dead Poets Society, Good Will Hunting), we’ve generally liked you, which is why I was disappointed to learn your next two films are Old Dogs (from the director of Wild Hogs, and co-starring John Travolta - yay!) and The Krazees (yes, with a “K”) about “a psychologist whose emotions come to life as different characters”. Played as a double feature, these movies could get a terrorist talking faster than a torture chamber at Gitmo. Awesome.

No comments: